Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
