dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
