those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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