It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
