Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
