those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
