Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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