Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
