I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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