You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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