So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
