Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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