My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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