My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
