Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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