Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
