On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
