I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
