Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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