I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
