Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I will be naked everywhere
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
