i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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