there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
