He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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