you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
