i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
