Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
