You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
