you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
