my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
