but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
