the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
