My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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