CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
