i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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