u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
