i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
