Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
