I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
