Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
