I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He literally asked permission to hit on me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
