shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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