I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
