after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
