No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
