it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
