I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
