Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
