I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
