from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
