ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
