her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
